I need the general drinking populus to read this piece very carefully. We ( the members of the Spirits & Food communities ) need you to learn from and use the follow information.
Like the whale hunters of old, your callous behavior is threatening something we all love – The open bars, brand launches & cocktail competitions. They are becoming less frequent – not due to cost but due to the behavior of the guests. Some of people blindly commit these crimes, others with malicious intent. Over the years myself and others cocktail professionals have noted and categorized said atrocities. And I’m here to ask you to stop.
No matter how large or small the venue, no matter how many are in total attendance. There will be two to five people who STAY at the bar – even after they’ve been served. They’re attached to a particular spot. Even Remoras know when to give sharks some breathing room. Bar huggers tend to stay way too long and eat up valuable cocktail real estate. All for the hope of quick and constant service. This behavior is wrong. You are stopping others from ordering and moving on quickly.
Please for the love of St. Germain take your drink and go. Be polite and let others enjoy access to free or discounted drinks. You are neither at home or Applebee’s. Get your drinks, step away from the bar. Circulate, go mingle or be a wallflower it doesn’t matter. This event is not about you and how cool you think you look at the bar.
2) The Restroom.
Treat it better than you treat yours. Scratch that. Treat it as if your Mother or Nana Gilbert were the next person in line. Worst case – Leave it better than you left it. That is the rule. The rule to wee by. This is no place for tummy troubles or wobbly releases. Aim as if the next person follows you on Facebook or Instagram. Be considerate.
2.5) Sex in the Shitter.
Stop trying to have sex in the bathroom. Everyone before you has done it better than you with more grace and style – all without holding a phone and posting it on some revenge porn site. Other people have to pee. You are neither Peter North or Sasha Grey. Save it for your honeymoon.
There is this cool new invention called Coat Check. All the kids are doing it.
It’s very simple. You give the nice guy or girl your bags, jacket and what not. They give you a ticket. Don’t lose it- because at the end of the night you get to trade it in for all your stuff. It’s that simple. You get to party down free of any physical baggage (Please note: host is NOT responsible for any mental baggage you bring – Leave that shit at home).
A little reminder kids – You are neither Remington Steele, Ethan Hunt nor Danny Ocean after a few drinks. In fact, YOU are the exact opposite. You’re the Andrew Dice Clay of thieves – Loud, trashy, clumsy and remembered in the worst way possible.